We all lack morals.

I wish I had more time
I wish I had more abilities
I wish we had a connection
I wish I could leave.

We’re all so opinionated.

You know how animals that are trapped in a corner get that look in their eyes? Like they assess the situation- see no clear escape and then their eyes roll back in their head and they try whatever they might physically to extricate themselves? Well, that’s me at school… Only I don’t move past the eye-rolling part. I just get right there and freeze. Stuck in an instant… An infinitely frustrating existence captured in that one second- drawn out for me in the late hours of my nights at academia.

What are feelings? What is emotion? Nothing more than a detractor. Something to blind us. Blind us from happiness. Make us hate the present, dread the future, and resent the past. 

Now that I look back at these… people. People I had and have forsaken… for what? To prove a point? To assert that I am more righteous than the other man? No, for nothing. Nothing at all. Were all my achievements in life stacked end-to-end, the negative could far outweigh the positive.

But being imperfect is being wrong and making mistakes. I am so lucky that the people who have forgiven me, have forgiven me; that the people who are still with me, are still with me.

I am lucky.

Why am I ever in the company of people I cannot relate to?

I think about cutting all ties in this life and starting another somewhere far away. All the time.

I like this green tea, son.